Courage
Nicole Geary, Lansing State Journal, October 10, 2005
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Hair was her
worst enemy. The disease was fighting each follicle, but the
battle raged much deeper than the roots. By freshman year,
Caitlin Riley was losing more than brunette locks. Her
confidence was crushed. Her faith was faltering. "I thought that
if God loved me, he wouldn't give me something that caused so
much pain," she said. Alopecia areata doesn't hurt. But being
bald in high school breaks down a teenage girl.
She hid at home and under wigs - until a woman, a conference and
the care of an entire school community changed everything.
Uncanny connection
Caitlin, now 17, started seeing the woman at hockey games last
year.
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She noticed her at the school play wearing a scarf over her bare
head.
They talked briefly at a store because she thought the
classmate's mom might have alopecia. She learned Pam Haan was
going through chemotherapy for breast cancer.
It didn't matter. At Ash Wednesday Mass, Haan gave her young
acquaintance an inspiration just by being there.
At the beginning of Lent, when Catholics search their souls and
make sacrifices, Caitlin saw a beautiful older woman going bald
with grace.
"I thought God was trying to tell me, I'm supposed to give up my
fear of going bald," she said.
For three years before that, she brushed off her parents'
attempts to help. She didn't want to go to a conference for
people with alopecia.
"I was in denial. I thought, if I go, then I have it."
This summer, she signed up.
"It goes to show, you never know who's going to be influenced by
your actions," Haan said.
Transforming trip
The Florida hotel lobby was a sea of bald heads.
All ages, races and phases.
Caitlin, who has the most common form of alopecia, cowered in an
elevator corner, still not sure about shedding the wig.
But it didn't take long. Caitlin went to the National Alopecia
Areata Foundation's first night of events.
"We saw her hat and her wig laying on the bed the rest of the
weekend," her dad, Tom Riley, said.
She went swimming for the first time in five years. She went
everywhere with a group of gorgeous bald girls, just like
herself.
Finally, she found the weapons to win her duel with the disease.
The old outgoing personality came pouring through.
"I was happy at times, but I think it was because of outward
influences," she said, thinking over the time since she was
diagnosed.
"Now it comes from within."
Courageous confession
Free of wigs and worry, Caitlin put pencil to paper within days
of flying home to Lansing.
Her parents stood back, watching the change they always hoped
would come.
"She was possessed," Riley said. "She was ready to charge in."
School at Lansing Catholic Central High School was about to
begin, and Caitlin wanted her last year to be different.
All 500 of the school's students received a letter penned by
Caitlin.
"I felt so alone and didn't like to talk. ... I was hurting so
much on the inside," her classmates read.
"I'm letting you know, so you won't be too surprised the first
time you see me ... you'll see me bald."
If they were prepared, if they understood, maybe they wouldn't
tease her, Caitlin thought.
Meanwhile, school leaders were getting ready to launch the
annual school theme.
They chose a Bible passage about courage. Throughout the year,
it would remind students that Jesus calls them to tough out
their own trials, to reach out to others.
No one could tell it better than Caitlin, Principal Tom Maloney
said.
On the first day during first hour, she stood up in the school's
gym to tell her story.
She was bald and bared her soul. The students gave her a
standing ovation.
"I was hoping that maybe one day she could come out with it,"
said best friend Bridget Colosimo, one of the few who knew about
Caitlin's secret struggle.
"Whatever problems we have, we can look at her and say, 'I can
do it.' "
Crowning moment
Another turning point passed when she played powder puff
football last week.
For once at school, she didn't have to wonder if her wig would
fall off, and she won't anymore.
She's more comfortable without it.
But Caitlin never could have guessed what would happen next.
When the moment came Saturday, it was before a crowd of cheering
friends, faculty and family members who saw beyond her baldness.
She was named homecoming queen.
Caitlin can move forward.
Her smiles are filled with strength.
More than anything, her spirit is ready to stop blaming forces
beyond her control.
"Now I realize that wasn't fair," she said.
"I'm more open to say, 'OK, that's God working.' "
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