|
 Asperger
Syndrome: Put Those Kids To Work!
by Dan Coulter, Coulter Video, May 2004
For more articles like this
visit
https://www.bridges4kids.org.
We’d do anything
for our kids with Asperger Syndrome.
Is that always a good thing? Hmmmmmm. Hard to say. It’s good if
we can figure out what we need to do for our kids versus what
they need to do for themselves. And that’s not always easy.
Maybe an outside view would be good. I talked with the director
of a high school job placement program for special needs kids
and she laid it on the line, “I think these kids are too
often...well...babied. They need to do more for themselves."
You should know that this program director, Mary Beth Berry,
cares passionately about her charges. She’s amazingly persuasive
at getting employers to give the kids in her program real work
experience during part of their school day. She’s an expert at
job coaching and building confidence. I respect her opinion.
How many of us sometimes think of our kids as chicks with broken
wings? How many sometimes have horrible visions of plummeting
crashes if we push them out of the nest to do things on their
own?
Let’s think back on our lives. Didn’t we learn some of our most
important lessons from our failures? Are our kids really that
fragile? Sure, there are thoughtless people in the world, but
there are also great, helpful folks out there. And we’re not
going to be around forever. And our kids can’t succeed until
they try.
Another job expert I spoke with, Asperger Syndrome advocate Dr.
Peter Gerhardt, talked about helping a young man learn to ride
the train to work. They talked about it. They rode the train
together. But finally the day came when the young man had to
ride to work alone. Peter said that if he could have run next to
the train all the way to the job, he would have. But it went
fine. And that daily commute became a normal part of the young
man’s work life.
As Peter says, work is a defining characteristic of our lives.
One of the first questions we’re asked when we meet someone is,
“What do you do for a living?” If people with Asperger Syndrome
don’t have the opportunity to work, they’re cut off from a key
part of life, not to mention a way to support themselves.
Okay, we’re all sold on the importance of work. Now here’s part
two. And it’s a biggie. We want our sons and daughters to work.
They want to work. But how do they find and hold a job?
Unemployment is distressingly high among people with AS. How do
you beat the odds?
You start early.
Take the attitude that your child, at whatever skill level, is
going to work. Talk about jobs and get him thinking about what
he’d like to do. Does your son want to do something that sounds
impossible? Be realistic, but aim high. He may not become an
astronaut, but maybe he could work at NASA, or maybe at an
airport. Of course, some people may be extremely happy filing
reports for a living, and that’s great, especially if organizing
is your child’s passion.
Our kids tend to have intense special interests and often have
extraordinary abilities. If we can channel these qualities into
a paying career, we’ve hit the motherlode. So wherever you go,
encourage your daughter to look at people working and consider
if she’d like those jobs. Encourage her to talk with people
about their jobs. What are the job’s responsibilities and
duties? What education or training do you need? What are the
good and bad things about the job?
Help your kids understand the job interview process and what an
employer is looking for. Get a book or magazine about applying
for a job and help your children learn the process. Help them
learn to realistically understand their strengths and challenges
and how to advocate for themselves.
Most of all, get them some work experience as soon as possible.
Paid or unpaid. During school vacations, if just managing
schoolwork is all-consuming. The best way to learn work skills
is to work, whether your child is going directly from high
school to a job, or plans on going to college or vocational
training first. Remember, there’s a lot more to working than
specific job duties. A large part of a job can be arriving on
time, following directions, staying on task, knowingsafety
procedures, getting along with co-workers and other “surround”
issues.
Let’s revisit the chick-from-the-nest analogy. The best crash
avoidance we can offer is flight training. We can make sure that
our kids’ Individual Education Plans include transition planning
beginning at age 14 as required by the Individuals with
Disabilities Education Act. We can work with our kids’ schools
and with social service agencies to help our kids find part-time
jobs during their high school years with understanding
employers. Job coaches can help our kids learn a job until
they’re ready to go solo.
And we can train our kids to increasingly advocate for
themselves so that when they look for a job on their own, they
can present themselves as the kind of capable, hardworking
employees businesses want to hire. And, if necessary, they can
educate their employers about how AS affects them and negotiate
any needed accommodations.
We won’t go into detail here discussing the Americans with
Disabilities Act, reasonable accommodations and disclosure
issues. Think of that as homework.
Today, let’s just get determined to get our sons and daughters
real work experience as early as possible.
When my son was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, my wife and I
had a lot of questions, including: could he ever hold a job?
Now, he’s a veteran of two successful part-time jobs and is
working toward a career in forensic science.
He’s already accomplished more than we – in our worst moments –
ever thought possible. Here’s a lesson: don’t let your worst
fears limit your kids.
Let's give them some preparation, give them some safety nets,
but get them out there – and give them the chance to blast past
our expectations.
Dan Coulter
is the writer/producer of the videos, “ASPERGER SYNDROME:
Transition to Work" and "ASPERGER SYNDROME: Transition to
College and Work." There are more articles on Asperger Syndrome
posted on his website:
www.coultervideo.com. Copyright 2004 Dan Coulter All Rights
Reserved; Used with permission.
back to the top ~
back to Breaking News
~ back to
What's New
Asperger Syndrome and Mom's Secret Weapon (A Mother's Day
Reflection)
by Dan Coulter, Coulter Video, May 2004
This is for all the moms of children with Asperger Syndrome.
Want to be more effective in helping your child? Want to give
him the best possible training to deal with AS and succeed? Then
you need to access a secret weapon.
You.
Your immediate reaction may be, "Yeah, right! I'm already doing
everything I can. More than I can! In fact, I'm so stressed that
just the thought of doing more threatens to shut me down."
But I bet you're overlooking something. Over the years since our
son was diagnosed, I've talked with a lot of mothers of kids
with AS. And I've watched my wife, who, like most AS moms, has
taken on the main burden of researching AS and dealing with
schools, doctors and on and on and on. A common thread that ties
many of these moms together is frustration. Look on AS online
discussion boards and see how often moms talk about failing and
being discouraged day after day.
But how many are truly failing? I think these moms care so
passionately about their kids and want them to succeed so badly
that they don't give themselves enough credit for what they're
accomplishing.
If you have a goal for your child and you don't reach that goal,
do you give yourself credit for the progress you helped your
child make toward that goal? If you try your hardest to reach
the top of a mountain and you make it halfway up, did you fail?
YOU MADE IT HALFWAY UP A MOUNTAIN! And maybe you established a
basecamp to help you reach the top in the future.
Like many AS moms I've met, my wife easily qualifies for
sainthood. Over the years, she's worked closely with our son,
Drew, and with teachers and principals and psychologists and
support groups and more. Drew is now living three hours away
from us in college. He's making good grades and has friends. And
my wife still frets over the messy state of his dorm room and
worries she should have gotten him more "executive function"
training.
My point is that
no matter how much or how little progress you make, it's easy to
overlook that progress and focus on falling short of perfection.
My wife told me about hearing a psychologist warn, "Don't
'should' on yourself." That's always obsessing: "I should have
done this," or "If I'd only done that."
Focusing on failure is depressing. It robs you of energy and
generates stress. On the other hand, don't you feel good when
you succeed? Don't you feel energized and optimistic? Don't you
have better ideas and relate better to people?
That's the secret weapon. And you can legitimately tap into it
if you just break down your objectives and goals into steps and
give yourself credit for every step you and your child make
toward success.
I've seen the results with kids. Praise their progress and they
work harder to reach a goal. Criticize them and they tend to
shut down and avoid even trying. The same thing works for us. If
you focus on feeling good about progress instead of criticizing
yourself for failure, your secret weapon kicks in.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying set low goals and be happy
with mediocrity. I'm saying that giving yourself legitimate
credit can put you into a positive frame of mind that gives you
energy and better ideas. And if you have a positive attitude and
energy when "Plan A" falls short, you're more likely to try
"Plan B" -- and "Plan C" and "Plan D." My son has already
exceeded expectations so many times I can't count them. In big
ways and in small ways. And if I've played a significant part,
it's because my wife helped me see the role I needed to play.
Them wives are heaven-sent.
So set your goals high. Help your child find the best in
himself. Help her find the best in others. Don't settle for less
than your best. But you may be the only person in a position to
truly appreciate all you're doing for your child. So step back
occasionally. Look at the progress you've made in the face of
pretty stiff obstacles. And give yourself a pat on the back. I'm
betting you deserve a lot more than that -- and I hope you see
your reward in the eyes of your child every Mother's Day for the
rest of your life.
Dan Coulter and his wife, Julie, produce videos to help
people with Asperger Syndrome. You can find more articles on
their website at
www.coultervideo.com. Copyright 2004 Dan Coulter All Rights
Reserved; Used with permission.
back to the top ~
back to Breaking News
~ back to
What's New
|
